Oh written in the stars
A million miles away
A message to the main
Ooooh
Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I’m on my way
Written in the Stars- Tinie Tempah
It's amazing how the things in our lives effect us. In the video for this song, there's a little boy who's mom is a prostitute to earn money, and he sits out in the hallway listening to music and writing while she has a client in their shabby apartment. He hates it, but he has no control over it.
Growing up, I was blessed with a nice house, the bills were always paid, there was always food on the table, and we had 2 great cars. Then I moved to live with my Mom and Dad, and now, I'm in the lowest poverty level of my state. It gets hard. Really hard. And stressful. I'm 16, and every time a bill comes in the mail, or the car starts acting up, it scares me. I try not to ask for anything, because when I do, my parents have to tell me "Maybe next month." And it breaks they're hearts.
This is the first time I have ever publicly admitted that I am poor. And it kills me. Not because I'm a material person, or because I'm looking for sympathy, or because I have pride issues, but because I know that I have to bust my ass in order to make a life for myself. yes, I love my Mom and Dad, but there are many nights that I go into my room, shut the door, and sit in my floor and just cry, because I don't know if we will make it through the week.
I eat Mac and cheese and bologna sandwiches for 40% of the time, and fast food meals are a rare treat. Some months, we don't even have money to buy the simple necessities such as toilet paper, paper towels, or milk.
My parents are both disabled, so neither one can work. My mom gets a small disability check each month, but my dad doesn't. So what little money we do have is extremely tight.
Over the past 9 months, I have matured more than I have in my entire life. I'm scared to turn 18, but in all reality, I'm already an adult, and facing adult problems. Choices that we make, or that people in our lives make effect us so much more than we realize. Dreams are sometimes the only things in this world that can keep us going. We cry out to the world, but are we really heard? Or are we just another lost soul wandering around.
Do we change ourselves? Or do we try and make our own way.
The choice is yours. Make it wisely.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Old Souls
Why are we so grown up? We are mature beyond compare, my dear friend and I. Wise beyond our young years. At a ripe age of 16 we are in full bloom. Ready to head out into the world, full force ahead, without a second thought to our youth. But when we stop to take a breath we realize that we have left so much behind, including the majority of our peers. We find ourselves looking into the eyes of people much older than us, and at times, it's a pity.
Did our childhood really flee from us that quickly? Or was it us who fled from it. We're our poor, innocent souls tortured beyond a point of repair? Or was it merely a strong desire to be free. Whatever it may be, the past cannot be unwritten, and the pages in our books are yearning to be filled.
Such sweet souls. Such young souls. But oh what old souls they are.
Did our childhood really flee from us that quickly? Or was it us who fled from it. We're our poor, innocent souls tortured beyond a point of repair? Or was it merely a strong desire to be free. Whatever it may be, the past cannot be unwritten, and the pages in our books are yearning to be filled.
Such sweet souls. Such young souls. But oh what old souls they are.
Why
Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Why- Rascal Flatts
Life is hard. Everyone knows that, unless you live up high on the hill with the rest of the world catering to your every want and need. But what's really going on? Behind those doors, when that mask is removed, and you get past those walls in everyone's heart. What do you see? Pain? Joy? Confusion? Or can you even decipher what truths the soul beholds? What hinders people form moving forward into the rest of eternity? will we ever know?
When I was a little girl, i used to sit with my Pappaw and watch people go by. We'd try and figure people out by the way they looked, and make up stories about their lives. But the mistake I made in my innocent youth was judging people by appearance. How could I know their pasts? How could I know what their future held in store for them? I didn't, but it was fun to pretend I did. Now I still find myself trying to figure people out, but in a different light. Now I know how pain feels, and how it can effect and change a person. That's what I look for now.
Why? How is it possible that one emotion can make a person lose all their wits, all their reasoning, and fall into a deep dark pit? One may never know, but next time you look around you at school, in the car, or even in the mirror at yourself, search for the truth behind that mask, behind those doors, and behind those walls. it might surprise you what you'll find.
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Why- Rascal Flatts
Life is hard. Everyone knows that, unless you live up high on the hill with the rest of the world catering to your every want and need. But what's really going on? Behind those doors, when that mask is removed, and you get past those walls in everyone's heart. What do you see? Pain? Joy? Confusion? Or can you even decipher what truths the soul beholds? What hinders people form moving forward into the rest of eternity? will we ever know?
When I was a little girl, i used to sit with my Pappaw and watch people go by. We'd try and figure people out by the way they looked, and make up stories about their lives. But the mistake I made in my innocent youth was judging people by appearance. How could I know their pasts? How could I know what their future held in store for them? I didn't, but it was fun to pretend I did. Now I still find myself trying to figure people out, but in a different light. Now I know how pain feels, and how it can effect and change a person. That's what I look for now.
Why? How is it possible that one emotion can make a person lose all their wits, all their reasoning, and fall into a deep dark pit? One may never know, but next time you look around you at school, in the car, or even in the mirror at yourself, search for the truth behind that mask, behind those doors, and behind those walls. it might surprise you what you'll find.
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