Dance

Every night I look at you and wonder why I'm with you. Do I love you? Well, it's complicated. Why are you still with me? Do you even want to be with me?

Right at this very instant, I would have to say that you no longer love me like you first did. And no. Your love has not progressed for me. It has taken a turn in the opposite direction. You merely tolerate me. For what? Our daughter? Do you believe that if you stay with me I won't take her away? Do you fear that I may choose to move away and take her too?

I spend hours every night wishing for that attention you once gave me. I crave the intense love we had once upon a time.

This is my confessional.

I love you.
I am no longer in love with you.
Instead of saying I will always be with you, I allow for the        possibility of something else.
I miss the old, affectionate you.
I long to be held and cherished the way I once was.
I cry. Often for the love we've lost.
I feel trapped.
I miss home. Not this home. My old home.
I'm afraid of commitment.
I don't want to settle down this young.
I'm scared that if I don't get my crazy days out of my system now, I'll resent you.
I'm afraid I'll ruin my daughter's life.
I want her to know what true love is.
I want you to notice me again.
I want you to enjoy seeing me, instead of making snide comments about my attire.
I want you to tease me.
I want you to make me forget my name.
I want you to ravage me, then caress me.
I want you to capture my heart again.
I worry that if I find the courage to tell you these things you will hate me.

I need you to want me.
I need you to love me.
I need you to need me.

I need you to decide why you're still here.

We used to be a part of the dance called love.
Now we just sit on the sidelines of life.

I need you to figure it out.

Before you break me.

Please...

Dance with me, or release me.