Devastation

SaraBeth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

sarabeth- rascal flatts

spreading. choking out life like the darkness. making you weaker and weaker. so the put poison in your body to try and kill whats killing you. but in turn, that kills you too. when surgery is out of the options, radiation quit working, and now chemo stops working... what do you do?

she went from a beautiful, healthy, and strong woman. and now cancer has left her weak, and pale.

scared so bad, i cant even pick up the phone and call her. for fear that i will burst into tears at hearing the weakness and pain in her voice. nor can i email her husband and tell him my fears. i know they'll understand. but selfishly, i cant do it.

when we first found out, she called me and promised me she'd be ok. that she'd fight it and beat it. but now she'd losing her fight. and im left praying for a miracle. waiting on those occasional emails updating us on her condition. we wait anxiously on the news. hoping and praying she'll pull through. at first, the emails were long, encouraging, and had good information on treatment. but slowly, those emails became short, to the point, and silently devastating.

and exactly as i did when she first told me the news, i hit my knees and beg God to save her. to spare her the fate of death by defeat from this horrible thing. but all i can do is sit in the floor and sob. for i dont have the courage that she needs me to have.

devastation. living in its midst, im lost. wandering in the darkness, and drowning in the tears i shed for her.